If right now you find yourself struggling with organized religion, know this: so did Jesus. – Facebook meme posted by The Weird Preacher, from an unknown source
There has to be more to God’s idea of church than the bureaucratic institutions most of us know, and there has to be more to God than we find in most churches.
Jesus promised, Where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them (Matthew 18:20). God is always with us, but sometimes there is a special presence. It’s usually not overwhelming glory and power, but it is something you can sense. My best description is a combination of peace and expectation that is almost heavy in the air. Our culture in general hasn’t experienced it enough to develop the proper words, but you can learn to recognize it.
Why don’t we experience that sense of God’s presence more often, especially in church? Part of it is because we have never been taught what it is. But often the reason may be that we are not fulfilling the conditions of the promise. Too often, following Jesus gets lost in all the other things going on, both good and bad.
Singing a few songs, learning a bit of theology, occasionally doing some kind of community work to feel good about — is that kind of church experience all God wants us to know of him? I don’t think so.
Sex scandals and coverups, church splits and court battles, judgmentalism and gossip and cliques and partisan political posturing and endless appeals for money – is that what God had in mind when he invented church? I don’t think so.
And I’m not alone. Perhaps the fastest growing group of Christians in America is those who used to go to church, but don’t anymore. They still believe in God, they still pray and read the Bible, they still consider themselves Christians. They just don’t go to church. For them, church has stopped working.
If that’s you, don’t worry, I’m not trying to get you back in the pews. I identify with what you’re feeling – and I was a pastor for 38 years. I’m here now to assure you that you can be a healthy, connected, functioning part of the Body of Christ – part of the church in the Biblical sense – without being part of the bureaucratic institution that too many American churches have become.
What do I mean when I say “stopped working?” I mean that, for whatever reason, church is not doing whatever you need it to do for you. It doesn’t make you feel better. It doesn’t help you cope. It doesn’t help you grow. It doesn’t help you sense God’s love. It might still do these things for the rest of the congregation, but it no longer does for you.
Not that church should be all about making people feel good. It’s not supposed to be a party or a social club. In fact, many people have given up on church precisely because the focus was too much on pleasing people, and not enough on connecting with God. But if you really are connecting with God, and the people you spend time with are connecting with God, then it just naturally will have a positive impact on your life. The God part and the you part and the people part should all go together. When they don’t, church has stopped working. And people who stop attending are not rejecting God’s plan for his people, but a human institutionalized distortion of it.
This book is not about fixing the institutionalized church. There are plenty of books about that. This book is for ordinary Christian believers who have given up on church, but don’t want to give up on God or their Christian friends.
The Lord’s Prayer teaches us to call God, “Our Father” (Matthew 6:9). The Bible promises, To all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God (John 1:12). Christians are not just God’s people; we’re God’s family. Every time we come together it’s a family reunion.
Somebody says, “You’ve got that right. I was raised in the most dysfunctional family you ever saw, and that’s just what my old church was like.”
I hear you. Believe me, I’ve been there. But something is only dysfunctional because it’s not functioning the way it’s supposed to. The Bible says God is good, God is faithful and God always gives justice. Most of all, it says God is love (1 John 4:8). God’s family, done right, reflects those characteristics.
Where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them (Matthew 18:20). That is a promise from Jesus. This book will show you how you and a few friends can put that promise into action.
Throughout history and around the world, probably more Christians have gathered with God in homes and other private places than in church buildings. Even today, in places like China and Iran, millions meet privately in home fellowships. In America, one of the fastest growing expressions of Christianity is the house church movement. You can meet in person, online, or both simultaneously. However you choose, it will transform your life. I know. It happened to me.
When my wife Paula and I graduated from college, I was recruited as an engineer by Ford Motor Company. We moved from the University of Virginia to suburban Detroit. The closest people we knew lived 500 miles away. The Lord led us to a small Church of the Nazarene congregation. There we and a few other young Christians decided to start getting together every week to talk about the Bible. The pastor wasn’t involved. None of us had any theological education. We didn’t follow any kind of program. We just did part of what I describe in this book. It only lasted about a year and a half before we moved to California. Yet as we look back, Paula and I agree: even though I was a pastor for 38 years and have degrees from three different seminaries, the warmest Christian friendships and the greatest spiritual growth either of us has ever experienced happened when we and those other ordinary Christians got together in each other’s homes.
As I said, we only did part of what I describe in this book. Our church activities took care of the rest. Yet our home Bible study gave us the close personal relationships that just can’t happen in a Sunday service, and the spiritual growth that can’t be had from even the best sermons.
Bible studies and prayer groups are good and important, but they can only fulfill a few of the seven purposes for which God calls his people together (see Chapter 6). All seven are needed to accomplish God’s purposes in us and the world. This book will show you how you and a few friends, meeting in someone’s home, can fulfill them all — often better than most conventional churches can.
Please understand. I’m not saying conventional churches are bad. Most of them do wonderful work in people’s lives and communities. Millions of people attend faithfully and find it a blessing. Good for them! I pray God’s blessings on all of them.
But you are not one of those people anymore, or you wouldn’t be reading this book. Fortunately, when the Bible says, Let us not neglect our meeting together (Hebrews 10:25), it doesn’t necessarily mean sitting in a special building listening to an ordained preacher. That is certainly not the only way to be God’s church, and it may not even be the best way. These next pages will show you what just might be the best way. It’s not hard!
Part One lays a little groundwork by looking at how the modern institution called church is different from Christian gatherings in New Testament times, and how it got that way. Part Two gives step by step guidance about how you and a few friends can gather as followers of Jesus and experience his presence among you, without all the institutional trappings.
Each chapter ends with discussion questions. Here’s my idea: ask a few friends to read this book with you, like a book club. Talk about it, using the questions as a starting point. By the time you are done, if you like what you’ve read, you’ll have a ready-made group to try it out. If you don’t, at least you will have had some interesting conversations.
Before we go on, I have two requests. The first one might be kind of personal. You used to go to church. You must have found something there that kept you coming back: peace, healing, friends, good teaching, a connection with God, a chance to use your talents, a chance to give back. Somebody or something took all that away from you. It’s only natural to feel angry or bitter about that. But you’re reading this book because you know there’s something more than “only natural.” There’s the supernatural power of God.
Somebody said holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping it makes the other person sick. So here’s the first request: ask God, by his supernatural grace, to help you love the person or group or institution that hurt you. You don’t have to feel like loving them; God doesn’t command us to have certain feelings. And you don’t have to tell them, unless they ask. Just make a decision to love them, stop dwelling on it, and move on to the good things God has planned for you. I promise you’ll feel better.
My second request is not so much for you, but it might help someone else. If you haven’t already, please let the pastor know why you stopped coming to church. I can tell you from experience, good pastors notice when someone stops coming, and they care, and they can get discouraged. A card or email will do if you don’t want to talk in person. If it was something the pastor said or did, let them know – they may not even be aware of it. And if it wasn’t their fault, they are probably feeling the conflict even more than you do. An encouraging word, even from someone who has left, might make their day.
Now let’s get started.
The above is the introduction to my newest book, When Church Stops Working: Meeting With God in Your Living Room. You can find it in paperback, hardcover, and Kindle HERE, and an audiobook version on Audible should be available by Dec. 1, 2022.
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